If you’ve stumbled across this corner of the internet, chances are you know what it feels like to live in the aftermath of things you didn’t choose. You might know what it’s like to navigate the heavy, unpredictable weather of Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) and life trauma. If so, I am really glad you found your way here.
Let’s get one thing straight: I didn’t start this blog because I wanted a wholesome hobby or because a wellness guru told me to journal my feelings. I started it because my brain was violently overcrowded, and if I didn’t get some of this historical wreckage down on paper and out of my head, I was going to combust.
Turns out, surviving decades of complex trauma, an uncooperative nervous system, and a body made of chronic fibromyalgia pain gives you a very specific, slightly warped view of the world. Call it C-PTSD; call it a masterclass in psychological acrobatics.
At first, this was just pure, unadulterated self-help therapy—a way to empty the chaotic filing cabinets of my mind so I could sleep for more than three consecutive hours. But then a little voice whispered: Wait a minute. The way you’ve navigated this absolute circus for decades might actually help someone else survive theirs.
So, what are you getting here?
A butt-load of sarcasm because crying all the time is exhausting and laughing is cheaper than therapy.
A deep pool of dark humor because if we can’t mock the absurdity of our own trauma, the trauma wins.
Real, lived experience—no clinical detachment, no toxic positivity, and absolutely zero gentle yoga recommendations.
This space is built for the survivors, the neurodivergent outliers, and anyone else whose internal world feels like it’s perpetually on fire. You aren’t broken beyond repair, and you definitely aren’t alone. Grab a metaphorical (or literal) drink, pull up a chair, and let’s figure out how to rise right back out of the ashes together.
For those who might be new to the term…
For some of you reading this, that term—Complex PTSD—might be entirely new.
Most people know standard PTSD, which usually comes from a single, shocking event. But Complex PTSD is the deluxe package. It happens when trauma is repeated over months or years, often starting in childhood, in situations where you couldn’t just pack a bag and leave.
If you grew up constantly walking on eggshells, managing adult moods, or surviving neglect, your nervous system basically went into overdrive and forgot where the “off” switch was. If you now live with a brutal inner critic, expect the worst-case scenario at 3:00 AM, or get completely exhausted by a trip to the supermarket—there is a name for it.
You aren’t broken, you aren’t “too sensitive,” and you haven’t lost your mind. Your body just adapted to survive a very long, very messy battle. C-PTSD is just the blueprint of how you made it through.
The Rhythm of the Phoenix
I chose the name Rising and Repeating – Cycles of this Phoenix because, let’s be honest, healing is never a straight line. I used to think you survived the childhood fire, dusted off the ash, and magically became a perfectly adjusted human.
But my reality has been a bit more cyclical.
I have risen from the ashes more than once. I’ve rebuilt, found my footing, and thought, “Right, I’ve cracked this life thing.” And then? Burnout hits. A trigger pulls the rug out. Suddenly, the Phoenix is back on the floor, looking around and thinking, “Oh look, the ashes again. Splendid.”
But I’m learning that the crash isn’t a failure. It’s just part of the rhythm. For this Phoenix, the journey isn’t about rising once and staying perfectly aloft; it’s about mastering the loop. Sometimes finding the lighter side and having a laugh through the smoke is the only way to kickstart the next spark. Each time I rebuild, the new version of me has a little more wisdom, a few tighter boundaries, and a much better BS detector.
I am writing this blog under a pseudonym, changing names and details to protect my peace and my real life. That anonymity lets me be entirely raw, unfiltered, and honest. This is therapeutic for me, but my deepest hope is that it helps you realize you aren’t alone in your loop.
If you are currently sitting in the ashes of a burnout, feeling like you’ve ruined your progress: you haven’t. You are just in the quiet, slightly grumpy part of the cycle before you grow your wings back.
We are rising, and we are repeating. Thanks for walking through the fire—and sharing a laugh—with me.
With warmth,
Ashely Dawn
Support Resources (UK):
- Mind Infoline: 0300 123 3393
- Mind Support Line: 0300 102 1234
- Samaritans: 116 123
Jump To My Other Pages
Rising from the Rubble – What the Phoenix Cycle Taught Me About Living with C-PTSD
The Spicy Remake No one Asked For – PTSD Vs Complex PTSD (cPTSD)
Tactical Escapism – My Coping Mechanisms
The Day I Will Never Forget – First Hit I Remember
Rising and Repeating – Cycles of this Phoenix 
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